Let's Look At Fear
Now it's time to look at one of the biggest things that stops
us from getting what we want in life.
Let's take a look at that big old monster called fear.
I think that fear is one of the most misunderstood things
that we deal with.
So, the first thing I want to do is try to get an understanding
about just what fear is.
Basically, fear is just a negative expectation with a lot
of emotions attached to it.
Yes, it really is that simple.
That is all that fear really is.
It is not about anything that is real or in the present.
It is about a possible future.
It is not about a definite future.
There is no definite future.
The future includes all kinds of possibilities.
That negative outcome is just one of many possibilities.
When we feel fear we are focusing on a negative possibility.
We are expecting that negative possibility.
Think about it.
When do you ever really feel fear?
It only happens when you are expecting a negative outcome.
Do you feel fear when you are expecting a positive outcome?
When I am expecting a positive outcome I feel excitement.
Did you know that the physiological response in the body is
the same for excitement as it is for fear?
The only real difference is the expected outcome.
So where does fear come into play in all of this?
One of the biggest fears that people have is the fear of failure.
The other is the fear of rejection.
The fear of failure is the easier of the two to deal with.
The answer to that one is pretty easy.
It has been proven many times in the past that we need to
find out what doesn't work before we find out what does work.
You have heard before that if at first you don't succeed,
try try again.
I am going to add something to that.
If at first you don't succeed, MAKE SOME CHANGES and then
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, see why it didn't work,
make some adjustments and then try again.
And do it all with a positive expectation.
Eventually you will find something that works.
All of our greatest inventors "failed" many times until they
found out what worked.
All of our great sports stars "failed" MANY times until they
found out what worked.
Anyone who is a success "failed" many times until they found
out what worked.
The difference between them and other people is that they
learned from what did not work and applied that new knowledge when they tried again and again and again.
The only way that we can really fail is if we quit.
If we learn from each failure and try it a different way with
new knowledge, we WILL succeed.
How many times do we need to try?
Only as many times as it takes for us to succeed.
Now we get to look at the fear of rejection.
Without going into a long drawn out explanation, we have been
raised to believe that we are dependent on others for what we want in life.
The belief is that if we are rejected we will not get what
we want in life.
For a certain portion of our lives, that WAS true.
From the time we were born we were dependent on others to
supply everything in our lives.
If we were rejected, we had things taken away from us and
possibly got physical pain.
The idea of not being rejected was a very high priority.
As we got older, we found that we could find more different
sources for the things that we wanted.
Again, those things came from other people.
And if they rejected us we would lose THAT supply of the things
that we wanted.
So, we kept that fear of rejection.
Eventually, we found that there are a lot of different sources
that we can tap into to get the things that we want in life.
That still leaves us with a feeling that rejection will lead
to us not getting what we want in life.
The truth is, yes, we are dependent on others for a certain
amount of things that we want in our lives.
The same as they are dependent on us for a certain amount
of what they want in their lives.
The truth is also that we can supply most of the things that
we want in life for ourselves.
And, there are a lot of sources for the things that we can't
supply for ourselves.
We are no longer dependent on just one source for the things
that we want.
Where does the fear of rejection still come in?
As you make changes in your life, you WILL change.
There is no choice in that matter.
As you make changes in your life, you WILL be a different
person than you are now.
You will change how you spend your time.
You will change what you think about.
You will change how you act.
There are a lot of changes that will happen.
As you make changes in your life, you want some things to
In order for you to create something different, you will need
to be different.
Sometimes it will be large changes and sometimes it will be
But, you WILL go through changes.
The people who accept you now accept you for who you are now.
Will they accept you as you change?
Or will they reject you?
Will they support your change?
Or will they try to get you to stay the same?
If they do not support your growth and changes, are you willing
to leave them behind as you gather a new circle of friends who DO support your growth and changes?
You have been around these people for a long time and have
gained their acceptance.
It's very comfortable in a lot of ways.
It feels very safe.
If you leave them and seek out other people, will these new
people accept you?
A lot of that depends on your expectations.
If you have negative expectations, you will stay right where
you are without honestly going towards any real changes.
If you have positive expectations, you will go towards your
growth and KNOW that you will find a way for it to work.
You will also know that you will find the people and situations
to make it happen.
I know that as I learn, change and grow, there are going to
be people who will reject me and what I am doing and becoming.
I also KNOW that as I change and grow, there are going to
be people who will accept me and encourage what I am doing and becoming.
I also know that if I stay where I am and do NOT follow my
dreams and goals, I will ultimately reject myself.
I can live with other people rejecting me.
I can NOT live with rejecting myself.
What is fear really?
Fear is just a negative expectation about the future.
Which future looks worse to you?
Making changes or staying the way you are?
Isn't it time to look at the positive expectations and go
for your dreams?
Get excited and go for it.
Russ Beauchene has a web site called:
It's about making the changes in ourselves that we need to make in order to get what we want in life.
You can contact Russ at: